Week of June 29, 2003

Here's the news:

• Jeb Promises Literate Legislature by 2006, by Roderick P. Waterwilly

  “Most of the members of the legislature of the great state of Florida can read, but cannot yet read to learn,” Bush explained.

• Israel Considers Arafat's "One-Way Trip", by Alvin G. McGillicuddy

  The West Bank- PLO president Yasser Arafat has officially requested to be allowed to escape his besieged West Bank residence. The Palestinian leader has complained of the stuffiness of his current home, caused by large gun-smoke pollution.

• Frist Supports Gay Marriage, by Rodger D'Alimony

  Washington, DC- Senator Bill Frist (R-Tenn) has briefly startled right-wing yahoos by announcing that he would support homosexual’s rights to marriage.

• July 4: What does it all mean?, by Edward Margelheimer

  As the commanding editor of this patriotic and God-fearing Internet-based newspaper, I find it somewhat silly that some people just don't recognize the 4th of July as what it is, the single greatest holiday around, along with Christmas, Chanukah, and Ramadan.